Fat Cat!!!

The Indifference of Good Men

Hurricane Katrina is the biggest national disaster in our nation's history. So why hasn't there been a bigger reaction - a more fervent response, a cry for help, or outrage at the inefficiency of federal relief efforts? I was looking at pictures in teh New York Times yesterday, and it hit me: the people who were effected were black. This is, of course, a generalization - but it is founded in a very scary fact that racism is still present in America, and that many people in OUR COUNTRY still recognize black people first as black and second as Americans. Most people, including myself, are recieving information about this catastrophe via the media - primarily television and newspapers - and for the masses who only make enough time in their day to watch the television on mute while making dinner, or to scan the photos without reading any of the articles, the image is this: poor black people.



The pictures of the astrodome - flooded with thousands of people whose homes have been destroyed, whose family members are missing, whose entire lives have been destroyed - they are black. This isn't to say that huge number of white people weren't affected by Hurricane Katrina, but the images the media is presenting are of black people.



Part of me thinks this is a politically motivated decision. It's about damage control. It's about wagging the dog. If the media showed pictures of white suburban families throughout the south whose lives have been tragically and permanently altered, people would riot. But when the images are of poor, hungry, angry, violent, weary, and sorrowful blacks, the American public can relegate the image and the event to the same part of their brain that recognizes children in Somalia are starving, and that Hotel Rwanda was a really sad movie. It isn't present - it doesn't seem relevent to their everyday lives. Can you imagine if this had happened in the Northeast? Or in California? Bush wouldn't have been on vacation. Relief would have been hurried through - cleared paperwork or not - and the country would be pulling together as a force like it did in the aftermath of 9.11.



It is just so frustrating to me. I mean, African-americans have enough political, social, economic, educational, and other factors against them without mother nature throwing in a big "fuck you". I mean, I don't consider myself a racist at ALL, but even I find myself sometimes reacting in a instinctive way that is a result of social and cultural conditions. I have a hard time imagining the obstacles the community faces, being a successful, middle-class, white woman. The closest I can imagine is that being black in today's America would be like being a woman in the 1950s. Of course the stereotypes and stigmas are totally different, but the oppression and repression follow a similar course. I am going to a lecture on this topic on Wednesday, and I really hope a lot of people attend. I want people to be aware of the issue. I want people to reach out and give something of themselves because we are all HUMAN, and we have ALL lost something.

On a somewhat related topic: if you are reading this, please don't forget about the ANIMALS who were affected by Hurricane Katrina!

What is with these dreams?

I had another dream last night, and my whole day has been thrown off as a result. I dreamt that I had a baby - a little girl. Her name was Lola Rose, after my mom. I've always wanted to name my daughter Olivia Rose, but I still had Olivia my kitty, and I thought, "it can't have 2 little Olivia's running around the house! Besides, I don't want her to think she was named after the cat". She was tiny and beautiful, with little black curls and little hungry lips. I felt a happiness that was unlike anything else I had felt. It wasn't a greater happiness, just a different happiness. It was like a light that warmed every part of my body. I was still 22 in the dream, and I had come to terms with being 22 and having a baby. Having my little girl. I was ready to start adapting my life so that I could take care of her. My mom was so happy to have a grandbaby, and my dad had this big stupid smile on his face. My mom taught me how to breastfeed. I was at a theatre after giving birth, and a lot of my friends were there - particularly those from Brevard. They were all so happy for me, and they all agreed that she was a truly beautiful little girl. Then I woke up, and none of it was real. It was such a strange feeling. I really felt in my body and my heart that I had a baby. It was so strange to be totally acclimated to that feeling, and to have my heart full of the warmth and beauty that a child brings, and then to have it all torn away as I came back into reality. Ack. I feel so strange right now. It was an out of body experience. Ack.

An interesting concept

I was doing some reading today for my International Perspective on Culture and the Arts class, and I came across an interesting concept. I love it when I actually LEARN things in class! :)

The following quotes are from the short article"In Pursuit of Culture", by Jules David Prown:

"History is untrue; it has to be. Recognition of this does not invalidate it but simply underscores the obvious fact that the past is over adn done with and, abset a time machine, cannot be recaptured whole. The history that we retrieve is our interpretation of what happened, a myth or fiction that helps us explain how the world in which we live came to be."

"A metaphor is by definition a lie - a person is not a snake in the grass, an idea is not a bombshell - and the same is true of the other prevaricating structures of fiction - metonymy, synecdoche, tropes of all sorts. And yet literary fictions, whether prose or poetry or myth, can arrive at large, even profound truths that resonate with our own experience of life as lived in this world, and they can move us deeply."

I just really like how this author challenges the idea of 'truth'. It makes a lot of sense to me, particularly in the context of "cultural lenses". In other words, we as a culture hold certain values to be moral "truths". This is good. This other is bad. And more often than not, we don't question whether or not these values, which are fundemental to our cultural experience and environment, to be concrete. It is amazing how subjective truth is, even within your own culture - and his argument, that history is by its very nature fiction, emphasizes the concept that history is dictated by the values/principles/beliefs/behaviors of the person/group which recorded and preserved it. The same story can be retold in so many different ways, depending on who is telling the story. In any case, it's not an epiphany, or something that hasn't been discussed before. I just thought it was interesting, and I enjoyed how this author articulated it.

Another Strange Dream

This morning I had another totally weird dream. It started out in a hilly wasteland, full of tangled dead brambles and fallen logs. I was hiding from a helicopter search party, squeezing in between the vines and lying down next to the logs. But then this woman started hunting me with her two dogs, who were more like wargs than dogs - streaming muscles and vicious teeth, snarling. They found me, and started to tear me apart, and the woman laughed - proud of her dogs. I was pulled up by the helicopter just in time.

Then the dream suddenly shifted gears. I was in a bedroom, and someone who looked a lot like Shanti, but who was not Shanti, was kissing me. We were lovers. We were dating. He needed to go accomplish something - a mission of some sort - and I was not allowed to go. I wanted to go though, so to prevent me in a kind way, not-Shanti gave me a hit of acid and told me to listen to the radio while he was gone. I responded gleefully with "You are a radio." Then I was on a hike, still tripping. We were observing nature and our guide was telling us about some kind of animal that was beautiful and native to the area. Then we arrived at the bank of a river, and our guide (a woman said), "now, this next thing is really amazing. You are about to witness a group of baboons who have been taught to sing. They are the only singing baboons in the world." I laughed, thinking the whole thing to be rather silly, but then they started to sing. It was a divine chorus of gorgeous, surreal, ethereal voices, and I was enraptured.

Then the dream ended. Strange, no?



Another note: I actually got up BEFORE class and went and worked out, because I knew I wouldn't have enough time during the day. Not bad huh?

Bad Dream

I had a dream this afternoon that was about my cats. I was running - jogging on a sidewalk - and the cats were running right behind me. I was worried, because even though they were following me, I was concerned that they were going to stray. I was more worried about Olivia than I was about Memphis, because Memphis tends to stay much closer to me. Then we got to a bridge. Suddenly, Olivia broke away and ran ahead. There were eggs all over the bridge - both real ones and candy ones. I was frightened, because Olivia was watching them as they fell over the edge one by one. I stopped thinking about Memphis, because I assumed she was following behind me - staying close like she always does. Olivia was sticking her head over the edge of the bridge, and I looked over the edge, and the water was red. Blood red. Then, as I was reaching for Olivia, trying to prevent her from jumping to follow the eggs. Then I looked over, and I watched in horror as Memphis jumped from the bridge. Her legs went back and forth, flailing as she fell hundreds of feet into the water. I watched her as she landed in the red water and began to swim towards the edge. I was horrified - thinking that she would drown, thinking how strong the current was and if I would be able to save her. I was looking for a bag, thinking that I could put Memphis in the bag, and then I would be able to swim with her without her drowning. I was worried that Olivia would jump in while I was trying to save Memphis, and I would lose both of them. I woke up, terrified that I had lost both my babies - both my precious cats. Now they are sitting on either side of me - being perfect, and cute, and loving, and vulnerable, and needing my care and love as much as I need theirs. I don't know what I'd do without these girls. I just don't know. They keep me sane.

What?

"We can't officially comment on matters of someone's sexual orientation. But off the record, he's clearly a skinny Democratic fudge packer."
--Ari Fleischer, White House press secretary on Clay Aiken

Ummm...

Another good day (well, for the most part)

I had a nice day today. I decided that I was tired of just staying around the house, and not getting anything done. So last night I decided that I was going to do something interesting today - something from which I would learn, and that would make me a happier person. So I went to the Tibetan Cultural Center, founded in the '70s by the Dalai Lama's brother, Professor Norbu.



It was really nice. The man in the office showed me around, and explained the different parts of the temple. The painting in the temple is beautiful. I meditated in the peaceful afternoon, and it was relaxing - balancing. Then I got my cats some cat food - the good kind, even though I have no money right now. I couldn't bring myself to buy them crappy cat food - this must be what it's like to have kids. Then I went and practiced voice - worked on "Je dis que rien ne m'epouvante", and "Donde lieta". I made some progress - opened up some space, and relaxed my voice a little bit. I was able to get into a much better position by the end of my practice session. In any case - it was a nice day. I feel accomplished.

I'm so over this.

Enough said. It's not about that. It never is.

YAY!

I had such a great night! I drove up to indy to meet Norm, a guy I met on match.com. He sounded intelligent and sweet, and he's handsome, so I was excited. I got to the coffee house early, and immediately found $30, which is AWESOME since I am about to each my shoelaces (no money. none. whatsoever.). He walked it, and I recognized him right away. He's even cuter in person, and has this open sweet smile that I love. He's a littl bit shy, which wasn't a problem, but I could tell he was thinking of questions to keep asking so that there wouldn't be a lull in the conversation. He didn't need to worry though - we talked for 3 hours...in the coffee shop and walking around downtown Indy. He's 27, and he graduated from Purdue several years ago, then spent a year doing research in Washington DC, then 2 years in Ghana in the Peace Corps. Now is doing an MD/PhD program in Indy, and he just decided on the immunology clinic. It was just so nice to have intelligent conversation with a handsome guy who is tall, and who's a gentleman. I didn't want to be in charge for once, and so I waited for him to decide whether or not we'd see each other again. At the end of the date, he walked me to my car and said, "I had a really nice time tonight." I said, "I did too - I really enjoyed it." He paused, and then said, "I'd really like to take you out to dinner sometime if you'd like to go." :) Of COURSE I'd like to go! I never get taken on dates. I'm excited about this guy. I'm not really looking for a relationship - seems silly with me moving in a year - but it would be nice to have someone whose company I enjoyed and vice versa. MMmm... Anyway. What a great night...

Withdrawl.

It feels so strange to be in a room by myself. Having been surrounded by 40 dramatic, dynamic, strange and wonderful (mostly) opera singers 24/7 for 2 months, this whole "alone" business is a little alien. It feels so good though! Almost as good as the baths I've been taking every day since I got back. All the same, I miss my girls! I went on a date tonight - a "coffee date". The guys name was Steve, and he was very manic and ADD. But it was fun anyhow - he's very smart and eccentric. He just hasn't really mastered the social skills thing quite yet. I like him though, for company, and we're going to the zoo tomorrow. I haven't been to the zoo in ages, and I'm excited. My inner child really enjoys the zoo (who am I kidding, I am my inner child, and I enjoy the zoo). Hopefully it goes well. I'm so excited to be back in town with my girl sammy, and with Ann (who seems so much happier), and with my kitties and the whole nine yards. YAY!

Last Day in Brevard

Last night we had a last hurrah at the Hob Nob to listen to jazz and say goodbye to all the friends that we were unlikely to see in the morning. It was a good night, and one that reminded me of how wonderful this summer has been for me. I have made a lot of personal progress in my endeavor to be a professional singer, coming to terms with the amount of work necessary for performances that I'm proud of. Almost more importantly, I'm learning to enjoy this process, and to love the work. I have made some good contacts around the states and in Canada, and I've made friends whom I'm sure I'll keep for years. Between Rebecca, Dana, Amanda, and Janel, I feel as though I've found the sisters I never had. In two months, I have made closer friends than in all my time at IU (not, of course, including my girl Sammy, who I will see tonight after two whole months!).


(Some of my girls, dancing at last week's afterparty)

So now I'm in Quotations Coffee Cafe, the spot where I have checked my mail and gotten a lunch of soup and salad nearly every day. It is one of the only spots in Brevard proper that I will miss. I won't miss the bugs, the mold, the constant rain, or the complete lack of privacy, but I will miss being able to wake up and climb into bed with one of the girls to chat about the previous night. I will miss having a supportive group of talented, intelligent, beautiful individuals who have supported my art, my work, and my person from day one.

I'm off - back to clean Melody dorm with Rebecca, and then an 8 1/2 hour drive home.

Goodbye Brevard - thanks for being so good to me!